Good artists copy. Great artists steal.
Con artists create fads that make you feel good about yourself without actually adding any value to your life.
And of course, the best con artists are always those who pass off their dubious creations as “interpretations” of the original work – especially since the original creator is no longer alive to sue your ass out of town!
Which brings us to our topic:
The most cringe-worthy, vomit-inducing Yoga fads that will also leave a hole in your wallet to match the hole in your soul. So grab your organic turmeric soy latté & vegan popcorn and settle in for a fun ride through Crazytown!
- NUDE YOGA
To kick things off, let’s look at this practice which aims to free its practitioners from the tyranny of clothing and good old-fashioned decency. I mean, you weren’t even born with clothes bruh, so that just proves that God intended us to live without them!
This liberating practice basically involves doing asanas au naturel. The idea came about when a hippie who’d just returned from an ashram in Rishikesh was doing his laundry and he noticed how the clothes being churned in the spin cycle resembled man’s eternal soul being tossed about hither-tither by the vagaries of society. After thinking about this for a stoned minute, he knew the solution – no clothes!
Of course, Nude Yoga is such an intense sadhana viddhi that its creators have made one very strict rule: no fatties! You see, fat people are still holding on to their Pizza Karmas so they could pollute the room with their thick energies and general gassiness. Besides, who would you rather go down…errm, I mean, do Down Dog with?
Other rules include: waxed bodies only (all the better to show off your pulsating Chakras), no mobiles allowed (who needs Tinder when you have this?) – oh, and don’t forget to wipe off any bodily fluids that the intensity of this practice may cause you to release.
- BEER YOGA
Are you finding it difficult to balance all the activities in your hectic life? Luckily for you, here’s a form of Yoga that understands that multi-tasking is a critical life-skill. Why waste time doing two things at two different times when you can combine them into a holistic practice that’ll also buoy your spirits? Literally!
Beer Yoga – or BierYoga, as the original German creator called it – is the perfect way to de-stress after a long day of getting your hair and nails done.
Think of it as an aperitif to kick start the perfect night out on the town AND you’re also another step closer to enlightenment. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!
From London to New York to New Delhi, everybody who’s anybody is doing Beer Yoga, dahling! Don’t be such a dehati and say that it’s against everything that Yoga stands for. Get with the program, hon!
- DOG YOGA (or DOGA – I shit you not!)
Dogs are humans too – but only the pedigree breeds, of course – so why should our puppy friends not get a shot at enlightenment?
Besides, there are Yogasanas named after dogs – Down Dog, Upward Dog – so obviously, Patanjali always intended our furry friends to practice along with us.
Beginners should use Purse Dogs and smaller breeds. More advanced practitioners may use slightly larger breeds for that extra pump.
A small warning: Doga should not be combined with other schools of Yoga, especially Nude Yoga. For some reason, it sends the wrong signal to our four-legged friends.
The creators of Doga are currently trying to launch their first batch of Cat Yoga but they can’t seem to avoid getting scratched all over their faces. Maybe they should try getting them to do Beer Yoga to calm them down? Just a thought.
There are far too many fads in Yoga to list them all in one place. Suffice to say, as long as there are humans with a sense of entitlement walking the planet, there will be new fads created every year.
Author credits – Jaideep Bhide